Interview for dps: corrections made!

I had drafted my interview and sent it off for it to be marked. When I finally got my interview back, there were a lot of corrections that needed to be made, in order to ensure my interview was chatty and entertaining. These were the things/ways in which I needed to improve my interview piece:

• To make my sentences shorter, so that it's easy to read as well as understand it.
• I had to also think carefully  about whether I was talking to Paiidz or about her. (In the end I decided that it would be far more interesting if I was to talk to the artist. I have done so in my corrections.)  
• I was to add more of what my artist said in my interview I had conducted with her. 
• Lastly I had to read more examples of such articles. 

I could not find examples of such articles on the internet, however I have tried to make my interview sound more smoother. I then sent my completed corrections by e-mail for my teacher to mark.